We have lost it...

today at skul i was quite nervous about the soccer match
i have to hide it from others coz i cant be panik
finally it was 3.10pm and the skul end
we pass the ball around the class then we went to the canteen for smtg to eat
at that time she sms jenny to wish us luck
i was quite down that time
i'm wondering why she sms jenny instead of me...
maybe it's becoz she really doesn't have any feel towards me
but then we went to the soccer field waiting for our match to come

our match starts at 3.45pm so we make a circle to play passing
soon its our turn to play the game
i keep looking for No.9 but cant find it so i decided to take No.7
the number i love most but i think i just din live up the expectation

when the match started
i was quite uncomfortable with the ball
we tried to take first blood (the first to score)
and a few minute later we got what we wanted
their defence make a mistake and seik you grab that chance to take first blood for us
we were totally crazy at the moment
we thought we could go on and win the match
but then not long after the first goal
they score an equaliser to make it 1-1
that score continue until half time

at the start of second half we make a mistake
letting the opponent to hav too many chances oni for our goalkeeper to deny them the lead
i seldom get the ball and i cant cope with their playing style
it was hard for me to control the ball and i din even get a chance to shoot the ball
i was quite quiet at the ball for the whole match as i was not in form
i was tired but i was determined to win the ball from the opponent
at the last 2 minute i cross a ball from the left side into the penalty box looking for seik you
and seik you jump at full length to head the ball in
Goal!!! 1 minute left and we were 2-1 ahead!!!
but then the nightmare started
as the ball started from kick off
jun qing dribble past seik you and jing hong
when jing hong turn he knock jenny and both of them falls
leaving a one on one situation between wen jun(GK) and jun qing
and jun qing make no mistake to score the goal

the goal lead us to the penalty
i was quite nervous becoz i always lose on penalties
i have penalty pheobia!!!
their striker make no mistake by scoring the first penalty for them
but i still step on to take the first penalty
pang!! my shot hit the upper post and went out
i wan devastated!! at that moment tears coming flowing from my eyes
i was disappointed... i was lost... and i feel guilty
jun qing come on and score the second penalty for them
and now it's seik you turn to take the penalty
he shoot the ball to the left and the keeper save it
Bi!! Bi!! there goes the whistle
and that the end of our soccer competition journey
we lose it again... and it's my fault

i din play well the whole match
i seldom run... i seldom defend...
i just stand at the midfield waiting for the ball to come
i mess up the whole team...
tears come flowing from my eyes...
that's the first time i cry for a soccer competition
i really love soccer so much and i always wanted to win a soccer competition
but in my last yeat in Chong Hwa
i blow the chance away...
i"m the loser in the end
i cry quietly at the toilet as i cant believe that i have lost the match

that day i went home
after bathing i just lied on my bed looking at the celling
fell down and hurt...
at the same time i hope that she will sms me to comfort me
but she didnt... i waited and waited but it's the same
and finally i sms her to tell her that we had lost the match
i think she would have know it
hoping for some encouragement or perhaps just a bit love from her
but the msg she reply makes me more sad
maybe i just don't stand a chance to be with her

that night i was sad... down... and depressed...
feeling lonely and cold...
really cold...